Integrit-izzle

So today was a hard day. I stayed up late working on my clinical write-up and it was really frustrating and I don’t know if I even did that well on it. Then I had to wake up early this morning because it is my long day of classes on campus. By the time I got ready and got my paper all printed and ready, I left a little later than I normally do, and so I had to basically run up to campus and from where I live it normally takes me at least 10 minutes or 15 to get to this class, but today I made it in 7 because I was really cruising.
And I am almost always (like 99% of the time) on time for class anyway, but I know I always have to be on time to this class in particular because they have quizzes about every other time and you don’t get to take it unless you are there right on time and they won’t give you the powerpoint handouts (the notes) for the class either unless you are on time.
So I was feeling pretty good when I ran in with a whole minute to spare. Aubrey was saving me a seat and I slid into it and sure enough, we were having a quiz. Now usually, these quizzes are basically just attendance-based and so as long as you are there and take it, it doesn’t matter how many points you actually get, they just give you 100%, but not today. And because I was Indianapolis last week, I didn’t read and I haven’t gotten caught up yet and so I still haven’t read the material for last week (which is what the quiz was on) plus I hadn’t reviewed over my notes or anything since class a week ago, and blah blah blah.
Anyway, the point is when I looked at the questions I knew I was in trouble. There were 5 and I only really knew 2. And that is exactly how many I got right. 2. 2 out of 5. 4 out of 10 points. Which 6 points no big deal, but that is how many points I missed on my first EXAM and now I just missed that many points again within a matter of seconds over a stupid little quiz. And I didn’t do so well on my second exam in that class and so I could have really used the points. And this is my ICU class and there just really aren’t a lot of points that you can miss. Also I was bummed because I almost put the right answer on 2 of them but I second-guessed myself.
I tell this story because I was pretty disappointed, in fact I almost cried (I think that was just because I am just SO tired though and it was frustrating) but also because it could have turned out another way.

When I didn’t know the answers, I was really tempted to look down on either side of me at Taniel’s or Aubrey’s papers. They are both smart girls, and although they were kind of whining that they didn’t really know either, I was pretty sure they knew better than me on this one. But I didn’t look. I thought, “you know, this is a really BIG deal right now, but in the grand scheme of things, it definitely is not worth cheating for.”

I don’t write about this to pat myself on the back, because honestly I am appalled that I even really considered looking at either of their papers, but because after the class I was feeling REALLY discouraged about getting a 4, and Aubrey and I went over to the auditorium in the basement of the Art Museum to watch the devotional like we normally do.
Elder Jon Huntsman spoke. I think the main focus of his talk was about how God didn’t set us up to fail in this life which I totally believe, but he started his talk out by saying “Without integrity nothing else matters and with integrity nothing else matters.” and then he said it at least 2 more times throughout his talk. And I instantly was SO grateful that I had made the right decision that morning to miss a few little stupid points but keep my integrity because I know that really is what matters. If I hadn’t I cannot even imagine how I would have felt when I heard him say that. I probably would have wanted to crawl under my chair and bury my head into the sick nasty floor and hide.
I hope you won’t think less of me that I even considered cheating (because I know probably most of you never would have) but I don’t really care, because I didn’t do it, and boy am I so grateful and I think or at least hope that it won’t ever be such a strong temptation again, because I already know what I am going to do (or not do) now.

cheating has apparently gotten a little more high-tech these days?!