Sunday, June 10, 2012

I am Lord Voldemort

Now I realize that this may seem like a very bold claim, but it's been a thought on my mind for a while now and I think I'm finally ready to come out with it.

It's not the half-blooded dark wizard that killed our beloved Albus Dumbledore part of him that I claim to be, it is just the horcrux-making part of him that I seem to have inherited. Not that I am trying to achieve immortality by making horcruxes like he was either. I already know what I have to do to achieve immortality and it doesn't have a whole lot to do with horcruxes. You can find the true plan for that here.

I don't really understand why it is that I seem to like making horcruxes. Also, I shouldn't really use the word "like" because in reality, I don't really like that I make horcruxes it's just something that I seem to do.

What do I mean about leaving horcruxes? Well it just seems like everytime I move I seem to leave a part of me or at least a part of my heart behind. The first time I noticed this happen was when I left my home in Utah to serve a full-time mission for the LDS church. I was orginally called to serve in Spain but due to my visa application being lost, I got the opportunity to serve 5 months of my 18-month mission in Richmond, Virginia. And for the first part of my being in Virginia, I just couldn't seem to be able to wait until my visa would come so I would get to go to Spain, but the more time I spent there, the more I started to be okay with the idea of staying until the point that when my visa did come I almost didn't want to leave at all because it broke my heart to leave all of the people I had come to know and love there. But because my leaving wasn't really my choice, to Spain I went and then experienced the same thing there leaving Bilbao after having lived there with those great people for 7 months and then leaving the people I had come to love in Burgos after 5 months to return "home."

Now I put the word home in quotation marks because upon returning to Utah, I started to realize that I couldn't ever really feel "at home" ever again. Not because it didn't feel good to be with my family and friends that I had loved for so many years, but because I had left pieces of me, horcruxes if you will, in each of those places--Richmond, Bilbao and Burgos. And no matter where I was, even if I returned to one of those places where I had left a piece of myself behind, I would never be able to have all of me in the same place and thus that lack of feeling whole or "at home."

And now I've added yet another horcrux to the group by leaving my beloved Boston to come down here to Austin, Texas. And as much as I miss all of my friends I made there terribly, I know that even if I went back, it wouldn't be 100% home because even after having only lived here in Austin for a little over a month, I know that I am already in the process of preparing a horcrux to be left behind here as well.

Anyway, this isn't meant to be a sad post! Reading back over it, I am scared that it might seem that way. It's not. It's just a thought I've been having. It's not sad because as much as it is sad and hurts to not ever be able to be with ALL of the people I love, I wouldn't ever trade having been able to meet each of those people and I know that couldn't have happened had I always just stayed in Utah. Also, airplanes are a huge blessing, right? :) Anyway, it's just a thought I've had and wanted to share.

PS This 2:45 pm church schedule thing may be a good thing for this blog. Not really quite sure what other positives there are to it right now, but if it helped me write my first blog post in over a year, then that's at least one positive, right Mom? ;)


Amanda said...

At the beginning, I was thinking, "How on earth is Katie like Voldemort?" But now I get it. And I like that idea. Moving, and change in general, is hard. But it usually makes us better.

I'm glad you're adjusting to Austin... and I'm glad you blogged! Keep it up! :)

jenniferthornton said...

I see you still aren't feeling quite yourself. Hope your fever breaks soon so that you realize who you are. Haha.

Lucy said...

So, the more places you live....the more people you get to know and love. Very nice thought.
A very reflective post. I like it.

Kiley said...

I like your style Kate. Very good comparison. I am glad Austin is already finding a place in your heart :)

Battfam said...

Maybe I should read the Harry Potter series after all. I hope you are liking Austin.

Erin said...

I thought you were going to say you hate Mudbloods, and I was like WHAAAAA? But this makes more sense. Also I love it.

Sara said...

Katie! This is great! I love this post! I have the same thoughts about feeling at home, although I used to think that maybe I didn't have a feeling of "home" because what I missed was my heavenly home. I think now, though, that you're right. I miss pieces of myself I've left all over the place -- maybe one of the places is heaven, too. It makes me wonder, then, what heaven will be like. Will I miss these places on earth? This mortal period of immortality? I guess I don't see why I wouldn't, but it sure would be nice to not have a longing sort of feeling in my soul. At some point, it'd be nice for that feeling to be gone. At least sometimes. :/

Whoa -- sorry for that tangent . . . It's a sign of a good, thought-provoking post, I guess. :) said...

Hi Katie, Just wanted to offer congratulations about your engagement news. With ♥ from Linda Jo